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PostHeaderIcon Cornball Fantasy Baseball

I should have known my fantasy baseball team was in trouble right from the start. When it comes to drafting pitchers, there just doesn’t seem to be any SCHERZER things anymore. For that MOTTER, when it comes to drafting hitters, there are no safe BETTS either. I thought I was being smart when I picked COTTON, but I MAYBIN mistaken about his WERTH. I could have been more prudent about drafting hitters, if only I didn’t miss JUDGE. Then, with my late round picks, I went down the WONG STREET.

Once the season started, things got worse. My pitching staff was a bunch of SKAGGS. I kept waiting for Gerrit COLE to get hot. Taijuan WALKER was having trouble with his control. Zach BRITTON and Derek HOLLAND were having trouble with their location. Brandon BELT wasn’t hitting. Rougned ODOR was really starting to stink–even adding COLON didn’t help. I would have dropped him, but I didn’t want to PANIK. My shortstops weren’t hitting either, but that’s a whole other STORY. Then, just when I thought my team was starting to CRUZ and everything was going to be AOKI, injuries started taking their TOLES.

As much as I have tried to be a WHEELER dealer, the moves I made haven’t helped much either. First I had Matt Joyce on my team. Then I dropped him. Then I wanted him back again, so I could reJOYCE. Next, I waived HAND and put my faith in Zach GODLEY. Then I added Ian Happ because I was tired of my team’s hitting being so HAPPless. I found a team that was having a FIERS SALE, so I was able to acquire Mike Fiers along with Justin Smoak in a trade. Of course, they both came to my team together because where there’s SMOAK there’s FIERS.

With my team still in desperate need of repair, I tried to acquire either Chris TAYLOR or Matt CARPENTER. I offered David Price around to try to get some bullpen help, but the asking PRICE was too much. Owners kept wanting MOORE. Maybe I need to add Greg HOLLAND since I already have WOOD ‘n SHOEMAKER. One owner wanted me to trade him FLOWERS and HEDGES for BUSH, but I didn’t make the deal until he offered to throw in GARDNER as well.  That man can rake.  

OSUNA or HADER (Sooner or later), things have to improve. Last week I added Tom Murphy at catcher and Vernon Law at pitcher. Of course, MURPHY/LAW, that’s not working out either.

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